oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
