hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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