I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
