One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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