meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
