I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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