Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
