burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
