Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
