U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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