Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
