College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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