from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
