I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have aggressive nipples.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
