I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
