Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
