I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
