yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
