Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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