Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
