mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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