Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
