areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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