The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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