i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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