I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
