Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i am craving dick and cupcakes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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