My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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