I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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