how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
