I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
