3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
