I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
