Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
