I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
