No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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