i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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