I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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