wrigley field is MILF paradise
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
