he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
