hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
