I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
