I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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