There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
