you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
