My nipple is on Facebook.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
