Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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