she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Randomize
