Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Congratulations! We have a period
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
