I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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