tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
