I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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