True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
