you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
