So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
