I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
