Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
