ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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